I Feel Empty
By Dr. Margaret Paul
If you feel empty, you are not alone in feeling this way.
Many people feel empty inside, and most people who feel empty have some deep false beliefs regarding why they feel empty. Below are some of these false beliefs...
I feel empty because:
- My partner is not giving me enough love and attention.
- I don't have a partner.
- I'm bored because my partner doesn't provide me with enough stimulation.
- My work is unsatisfying.
- I'm not successful enough.
- I don't have enough money.
- I have no one to play with on weekends.
- Nothing excites me. Life is boring.
- I don't get enough love, attention and approval from people.
- I don't get enough sex.
None of these situations are the causes of inner emptiness.
What do you usually do to try to fill the inner emptiness? Do you try to fill up with:
- Substances, such as food, sugar, alcohol, drugs, cigarettes?
- Processes and activities, such as TV, Internet, sex, computer games, work, shopping, spending, gambling, telephone, email?
- Manipulations such as anger, blame, over-talking, story-telling, caretaking others?
There are many substances, processes, behaviors, and activities that people use addictively to try to fill the emptiness. These may work for the moment, but not for long. Soon, the emptiness is back and you are looking for another fix to temporarily fill up the black hole.
The problem with all these behaviors is that they only address the symptom of inner emptiness, not the cause.
The Cause of Inner Emptiness
There is only one thing that truly fills the emptiness. Love. There is only one cause of inner emptiness: a lack of love.
But it is not a lack of someone else's love that causes your emptiness. Inner emptiness is caused by self-abandonment — by not loving yourself.
Inner emptiness comes from a lack of connection with your spiritual Source of love - from not opening to the love-that-is God and bringing that love to yourself through true thought and loving action on your own behalf.
Just as a child feels alone and empty when there is no one there to love him or her, your inner child also feels alone and empty when you are not there to love him or her. When you abandon yourself by judging yourself, ignoring your feelings by staying in your head, numbing your feelings through substance and process addictions, and making others responsible for your feelings and for loving you, you will feel empty. You are causing your own emptiness by your self-abandonment.
Your ego wounded self is filled with false beliefs regarding who you are. Your wounded self may see you as inadequate, unlovable, not good enough, not important, selfish, bad, wrong. Your wounded self operates from core shame - that you are intrinsically flawed.
These are programmed beliefs that have no basis in truth, but they may be running your life. When you believe that you are not good enough, then you turn to others and to addictions to try to feel okay - to fill the emptiness that you are causing with your self-judgment/self-abandonment.
Filling Your Inner Emptiness — Learning to Love Yourself
The truth of who you are comes only from Spirit — from your higher self, your spiritual source of Guidance, from God (or whatever you call Spirit). When you open to learning with a source of spiritual Guidance about the truth of who you are and about what is loving action toward yourself and others, you open to the love-that-is-God coming into your heart and filling your inner emptiness.
This occurs when you SHIFT YOUR INTENT from protecting against pain and avoiding responsibility for yourself through your addictive and controlling behaviors to learning, with Spirit, about what is loving to yourself and others. This is what Inner Bonding is all about.
Today, choose the intent to learn with Spirit about truth and about loving yourself — even if you don't believe that anything is there to answer you — and see what happens. You might start to feel full of love inside!
Dr. Margaret Paul is the author/co-author of numerous bestselling books, including Diet For Divine Connection: Beyond Junk Foods and Junk Thoughts to At-Will Spiritual Connection… Do I Have to Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?... Inner Bonding… and Healing Your Aloneness. Her books have been distributed around the world and translated into 11 languages.
Margaret holds a PhD in psychology and is a relationship expert, noted public speaker, workshop leader, educator, chaplain, consultant, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including The Oprah Winfrey Show, successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and businesspeople, and taught classes and seminars since 1967.
Margaret continues to work with individuals and couples, accessing spiritual guidance during these sessions, which enables her to work with people all over the world. She is passionate about helping people rapidly heal the root cause of their pain, and steering them onto the path to joy and loving relationships.
Click here to visit Margaret’s website.
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This article appears in: 2019 Catalyst, Issue 15: Thriving in Your Third Act Summit