What Kind of Relationship Are You Building?

By Matt Kahn

There are three basic attachment styles in relationships: anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, and secure attachment. Many are able to perceive these tendencies in relationship with others, but it's equally important to expand our awareness to see what kind of relationship we are building with the Universe. Through a clear view, two of these attachment styles depict the opposite extremes of ego, while the healthy secure attachment exists as a natural attribute of the soul. Let’s take a deeper look.

As an essential step forward along your path, it is important to realize it is the spiritual ego that attempts to bypass discomfort, as well as the one engaging in the endless digging of self-analysis. It’s the ego on both sides, whether bypassing as a vacation from endless inner-digging, or engaging in inner-digging as a way of course-correcting the tendency to bypass discomfort.

The spiritual ego has two fundamental sides: one side is the anxious attachment of the spiritual ego. It often plays out a co-dependent relationship with the Universe through endless inner work — imagining it will attract less than it desires or being afraid of losing all it has gained, including any form of spiritual status such as judgments of high or low vibration, if it were to end the rigorous self-analysis that it fears will upset a wrathful ego God-like concept it imagines looming above it.

The other side is the avoidant attachment of the spiritual ego. It is where patterns of deflection, addiction, bypassing, and avoidance remain active whether as a protest against the exhaustive busy work it condemns itself into doing, or as a means to seek relief from the painful emotions it cannot manipulate, outwit, or control.

Within the extremes of the anxious and avoidant attachments of the spiritual ego exists the secure attachment style. This belongs to the light of your soul. It is not one extreme or another, or the tendency to rush back and forth between anxiousness or avoidance.

The secure attachment style of the soul exists in the middle. It's often referred to as the Middle Way. It is where no emotion is too difficult to face when honored in oneness as aspects of your own evolving divinity — while also never confusing exhaustive inner self-analysis with the process of getting to know yourself as the unconditional love you’ve always looked for in other people, places, and things. Just as a secure attachment style in relationship allows for a perfect blend of being present with your partner while also respecting each other's need for space to rejuvenate and connect within themselves, the secure attachment your soul intrinsically has with the Universe is neither fear-based, rooted in the dogma of interpretations of reward and punishment, nor does it inspire the anxiousness or avoidance that exists within the ego’s fantasy of perception, where it attempts to impersonate the very Source it has no idea it is one with until it is integrated back into the light throughout the journey of awakening.

As you settle into the Middle Way of the soul, a more secure attachment style is cultivated with your relationship with Source. From this space, self-care replaces exhausting self-analysis to amplify your self-worth, allowing you to face each feeling without creating an inner narrative of reward and punishment as a judgment projected upon it. Equally so, you begin respecting the beauty and value of self-analysis as a space to visit, not a place to live from.

With love as your guide, along with the inquiry of asking, “What is brand new about this moment?”, you give permission for both the anxious and avoidant attachment styles of the spiritual ego to mutually dissolve back into its original form of pure eternal light. This amplifies the embodied presence of your soul — along whatever measurement of time serves the highest and greatest good of your journey.

All the while, you are learning to love yourself more, not less, no matter how incredibly the ego wishes it could shift its experience or how much more inner analysis it insists must be completed.
 

Matt Kahn is the author of the bestselling books Whatever Arises, Love That... Everything Is Here to Help You... and The Universe Always Has A Plan. He is a spiritual teacher, and highly attuned empathic healer who serves the awakening and evolution of all sentient beings through his heart-centered offerings. His global audience is finding the support they seek to feel more loved, awakened and empowered to the greatest possibilities in life during this critical time in history.

Matt’s spontaneous awakening arose from an out-of-body experience in early childhood, and through his direct experiences with Ascended Masters and Archangels throughout his life. Using his intuitive abilities of seeing, hearing, feeling, and direct knowing, Matt brings forth revolutionary teachings through both the written and spoken word that assist energetically sensitive beings in healing the body, awakening the soul, and transforming reality through the power of love.

You can discover more about Matt on his website.