Cultivating Trust

By Miranda Macpherson

This exclusive excerpt for The Shift Network is a chapter from Miranda Macpherson’s forthcoming book, The Way of Grace: The Transforming Power of Ego Relaxation, which will be published by Sounds True in October 2018.

 All is well,
And all shall be well,
And all manner of things shall be well.
— Julian of Norwich
 

Diving inward to retrieve the jewel of our true nature calls for great courage. Sometimes the spiritual path lights us up with inspiration, filling our hearts with love, joy, and beauty. Then at other points we are asked to let go of everything we know — everything we thought we were, allowing all that is familiar to dissolve. Letting go of just one habit, one way of knowing ourselves can initially feel terrifying. This is why every spiritual tradition has emphasized the importance of cultivating deep trust. Trust is what gives us the strength to open into the unfamiliar without defending, collapsing, or controlling. In this way we reclaim chambers of grace that have been lying dormant within our deep being.

As my life in the UK came to a close after fifteen years, inner guidance was nudging me towards the United States, and specifically to the San Francisco Bay area — a place I had never been and where I knew no one. Having allowed such a deep surrender of all the structures that had held my known identity in place, I had come too far to lead from fearful caution. Inwardly I asked of the deep silence, what wants to be received? What wants to be known? What wants to be done?... And I listened for the next step. I was devoted to embodying the truth that had come freshly alive within my heart, and wanted the grounding structures of this new life to genuinely support that. It called for a totality of trust while walking moment by moment into the unknown.

The guidance about the next step always came, but only one piece at a time. This meant I had to live and act radically attuned to the pulse of truth in the moment — a brilliant training now that I look back on it. Standing in the immigration line at John F. Kennedy airport was always a vulnerable moment. In post-9/11 America, I bore the suspicious label of “alien,” and as such, was forced to stand in pens like cattle with others of my kind after a long sleepless flight. The atmosphere was airless and thick with suspicion.

I had been traveling the world fulfilling teaching commitments, coming in and out of the USA on a tourist visa for almost a year while my working visa was in process. Now that my divorce was finalized I no longer had a home in England, and I had left my native Australia as a young woman of twenty-one. Technically, I was homeless and stateless. Standing in that long immigration line, I knew there was no guarantee I would continue to be let into the country on a tourist visa. I had no plan B. My legs felt like jelly under me. There was no denying the vulnerability of my situation. While waiting for what felt like hours, I had to find a way to turn this into some kind of practice.

I would breathe, softening, opening, and allowing even this — an experience of great uncertainty in the mercy of a giant impersonal bureaucracy. What could I trust? I had no control over what would happen, and at that time I was coming to the limit of my capacity to live out of a suitcase with no fixed abode. I really needed to feel some ground under me. I needed a country. I trusted the guidance that had brought me to this place, but would the US immigration department work off the same circuit as my guidance?

Standing in that line, there was nothing I could do but take the next step, in body and in consciousness, and trust in the deeper plan. If it were “true” for me to begin a new life here in the US, it would happen. If this were not the deepest truth, then whatever that turned out to be, I would do my best to embrace. I found myself praying to the “soul” of the United States, just offering up the truth of my own heart — my need for a home, and also my dedication to be a loving, positive presence to this land and its people. I had no control over the how. By the time I reached the counter of the immigration clerk, I was simply present, meeting another human being on the other side of the desk; just another aspect of the same Mystery, fulfilling his appointed function in this life. Although I had walked though such immigration lines meeting that same tense atmosphere countless times, when it came down to it I had always glided through. The hand of grace, once again, had taken care of things.

The deeper we trust, the more easily we can open into the new — whether that means spiritually opening to a new dimension we do not yet understand, or allowing change in our daily human lives. Trust is the antidote to fear that gives us confidence that it is okay to open up and let go. Trust gives us strength and courage to walk the path deeply, challenging our automatic responses even when we feel vulnerable and don’t know the way. Trust is the muscle we need to continue relaxing control, and allowing a deeper intelligence to guide our path in life.

Trust is our creative power to anchor to either fear or to the nourishing love of existence for itself. The deeper our trust, the more exponentially we can surrender in ego relaxation. This makes us more receptive to guidance beyond the historical patterning of our mind. Trust is the central attribute that a mature spiritual practice springs from. A Course in Miracles calls it the central characteristic of the teacher of God.
 

Trust in what exactly?

Although my move to a new life and continent turned out well (way better than anticipated actually!) we cultivate trust not so that life will always unfold according to our desires. Rather, so that whatever happens, we know that things will work out for the best. We cultivate trust first in the goodness of our own true nature rather than our ego’s learned strategies of defense. We cultivate trust that this same goodness resides in everything and everyone, even though in many it is buried and distorted.

With practice we discover that placing our trust in this goodness within others can evoke it (I will speak more on this in later chapters). Most importantly, we cultivate trust that the pulse of existence itself is beneficent. Dante referred to it as “the infinite goodness has such wide arms it takes in whatever turns to it.” We cultivate trust that life moves in the direction of liberation, and we are given what we need to evolve and thrive, even when the packaging is hard for us to appreciate.
 

Trust does not deny difficulties

How can we trust the loving goodness underlying all existence when life also includes such difficult things? Life contains death, sickness, disappointment, unexpected tragedy, and expressions of deep cruelty. It can be hard to trust when we see that people often do not treat one another well, we don’t always get what we want, and natural disasters and difficult things happen that we do not understand. It is important that we not confuse trust with naiveté in order to avoid facing our difficulties and responding intelligently to life’s challenges. It is wise to lock your front door, not leave valuables on display in your car, and make intelligent financial plans for the future. The trust we need is not blind trust.

Like the atmosphere that unconditionally allows both trees and pollution, the invitation to trust points to something deeper than the polarities of good and bad that manifest in this world, something even more unconditional that underlies duality altogether. Life contains many mysteries that from our ego awareness we cannot possibly always grasp. Trust invites us to remember that even when we do not understand why or how, life is trying to evolve us. Both joyful and difficult experiences can birth deeper wisdom if we can inquire sincerely and open into the invitations they contain.
 

Trust according to our ego

It’s not that we ever really lack trust, but more that we tend to trust in our ego’s view of reality, which is inherently fearful. From a position of separation, our ego absorbs difficult facts of life into evidence that confirms there is no loving goodness to relax into. This evolves into a view that we really are alone, and therefore must tighten up and control in the way we learned when we were young. Identifying with our separation from loving goodness, life seems chaotic and random, and we inevitably conclude we may as well just narrow our circle of concern and take care of our “self” and a few chosen friends or family.

This is “reality” according to our ego that assumes we are separate from the love, support, and holding we need. That we are indeed limited to the faculties of our mind and body, and the best chance of survival we have is to control, suppress, deny, project, and contract to keep ourselves safe from a hostile external world. These become the basic assumptions that govern our lives. Until we recognize that we are looking at the world through a distorted lens in our mind, our trust in these tenants is absolute, and our contracted ego patterns are held firmly in place.
 

Trust and our early environment

Our relationship with trust begins when we are infants, and is greatly influenced by the quality of “holding” — physically, emotionally, practically, and spiritually — that we felt in our early environment in the first few years of life. As babies, we are incredibly sensitive and are naturally building beliefs about how the world is, based on how we are being responded to. Our relationship to trust is especially influenced by how we felt we were mothered as infants — and unless you had an enlightened being for a mother, there were likely moments in which your mother was not perfectly consistent, attuned to your needs at this tender time when you could not even speak them, or radiating her presence as calm and loving.

In the best-case scenario, your mother/mothering figure was well supported, not too stressed and in touch with her own heart, and so naturally able to intuit and respond in a loving way to your needs. In the worst-case scenario, your mother was stressed by any number of financial, practical, relational, psychological, or physical circumstances, or had received inadequate holding herself — the kind of factors that often give rise to a mother who is “cut off,” neglectful, incompetent, cold, hard, or abusive. Where this has been the case, it is especially valuable to find experienced support in order to digest these early experiences. It is completely understandable that we form beliefs early on about how safe the world is, whether or not it is okay to just be as we are, that nothing bad will happen if we try something new, or that we are supported inherently.

Trust is so imperative to our capacity to open spiritually that on longer retreats I often begin by inquiring into our relationship with trust using the question, What limits your capacity to trust? Together with another in a loving atmosphere of complete permission to meet whatever arises, we allow the exact challenges that cause us to hold onto our fearful positions to be seen, felt, and understood without commentary. Perhaps you could sit with this question right now. What limits your capacity to trust?
 

Mis-trust arises from past hurts

What arises for you does not have to make any logical sense. Just give space for whatever comes. Hurts from the past can arise — moments when we were on the receiving end of neglect, unkindness, harshness, lack of understanding, or support. We might contact the sadness, hurt, or anger that is still lodged in our soul from these experiences. Often we may encounter moments in which something difficult has happened and support was not there. Practicing ego relaxation means just staying present, and contacting whatever we find without judging or justifying your experience. There is nothing you need to do but be with the question and meet your authentic response. There is nothing you need to fix.

You may encounter beliefs absorbed from parents, your culture, or religion. Beliefs such as “wait for the other shoe to drop”, “you can only rely upon yourself”, or “the world is scary and unsafe”.

You might meet non-conceptual patterns of fear, stress, and tension arising from your body. These are often the energetic imprints from overwhelming moments during which you held your breath and closed down to get through a difficult experience. What arises is always very personal to our history, and it is important to just let it come to light rather than try to skip over it. Most importantly, as we saw in the previous chapter on dropping the knife of judgment, it is vital not to criticize yourself for whatever you find, but instead inquire with compassion for your humanity.
 

Trust and the rejection of love

Sometimes, in our deepening spiritual journey, we bump into a layer of hatred for the light, hatred for anyone who speaks of love, God, beneficence, or goodness. You would not be alone if you started to feel enraged by all this talk of loving goodness. Sometimes hurt and pain cuts so deep that we can’t tolerate talk of something we need so much but feel is denied us. This can easily cause you to trash and reject the voice for love, or hide out in cynicism and declare yourself an atheist. If that arises as you inquire into the limits of your capacity to trust, just let it arise without judging yourself, or trying to justify why you feel that way. Just see what is there and remember that ego relaxation means you don’t need to do anything about it. Carl Jung said, “Awareness itself is curative.”

The good news is that the tendency to trust in our ego’s view of reality is a learned response. Fearful patterns are not the natural order of our authentic being, and therefore they can unwind. Just as a doctor sets a broken arm in a plaster cast, providing supportive conditions for the body’s intrinsic homeostatic mechanism to heal the broken bone, so our soul is homeostatic and can dissolve what is not in accordance with deeper reality when given good support. We can learn to trust in something deeper than our past, and with this a whole new possibility can open.
 

Shift to engage with present goodness

Cultivating trust is like building a particular kind of spiritual muscle — one that develops when we consciously recognize and lean into whatever present goodness we can contact. This is an important discipline, rather than automatically assuming that things will unfold in the frightening way they may have in the past. This happens with a practice of shifting our attention away from replaying our “evidence” for mistrust and letting our fearful strategies run unchecked, to inquiring into What’s holding me now? This shifts our focus of inquiry from flushing out the hurts of the past to exploring what we might have been overlooking in the present.

Stressful ego patterns usually revolve around a story from the past in which we felt disconnected from loving holding. Yet such fears can be intercepted when we turn our attention toward recognizing what is actually here in the present. This will mean using your willingness to not keep looping back into referencing memory. Staying here and now. Consider this: right now you are likely sitting on a chair or couch, or at the very least positioned with your feet upon the ground. Notice the points of contact with your body on the chair, on the floor, and take in the fact of this present holding. Notice how it feels to you. Consciously receive it as an expression of love.
 

What’s holding you now?

Notice that you naturally draw in air, containing life-giving oxygen. Notice that you did not have to earn this, nor effort to receive it. Furthermore, if you look out the window you might see some plant life — providing beauty, inspiration, shade, and oxygen to sustain your life. At the most basic level, even if you have had a very difficult history giving you many reasons not to stay closed, there is no denying the fact that there exists a basic holding for your being that is unconditional right now. It lets you be here exactly as you are.

In this moment there are whole monastic communities praying for you and your wellbeing. This is love coming towards you from people you may never personally meet, wishing you peace and happiness. What if you received these words on the page coming alive as a loving holding to wrap around you as a presence that cares and wants the best for you? What if everything you see, hear, and touch is not just inanimate material but dynamically alive and infused with the boundless love of existence for you? Consider that loving presence itself is extending nourishment to you through every sight, sound, and touch you encounter in this moment.

What if every being who ever realized their true nature — from Buddha through Christ, through the rishis of India and the sages of the all traditions — actively exists within the same atmosphere that you exist within? Whether you consciously receive or negate these dimensions of holding, consider the possibility that loving support is here for you in the present moment. Whether it works for you to call on an inner teacher, guru, name of the Divine, or on the presence of someone you have experienced as deeply accepting and kind, lean towards the evidence that supports a sense that there is some holding here… and that you do not have to “do” the holding. Whatever your difficult history, whatever your reasons to trust only in your fearful habits, you can tone this spiritual muscle and like any other it will grow stronger, and in a direction that genuinely supports your liberation.
 

Open to limitless holding

Within every spiritual tradition of the world, often de-emphasized but not absent, is a personification of the loving dimension of the universe expressing as the divine mother. In Buddhism she is Tara — the bodhisattva of compassion existing specifically to liberate all beings from the eight fears. In Hindu culture she is the dynamic principle that takes many forms of love, from the most luminous Lakshmi to the most fierce Kali; in Christianity she is Mary, the mother of the Christ presence, and Sophia, the font of wisdom; in Judaism she is Shekinah, the indwelling spirit of non-abandoning love that gives refuge on our journey home. In shamanic cultures she is Gaia, the mother earth, unarguably a living being that graciously holds us, nurtures us, and gives us a home. All cultures independently have personified this dimension of the absolute that is dynamic loving holding — the kind that never leaves regardless of the density of our knots.

As I worked through some very challenging ego patterns in my twenties, of self-hatred, feeling unworthy and without value, I found myself instinctively taking the most contracted parts of my mind to the holding of the divine mother. Intuitively I knew that there were parts of my psyche that just could not relax and unwind without a certain kind of holding. Praying, chanting mantras, and asking for help with things I was caught in, had a powerfully soothing impact on my nervous system, and supported my capacity to let go of some painful stories. I wrote about this extensively in my book Boundless Love. It helped enormously to know that despite my history there was a quality of unconditional holding available that I could turn towards and relax in.
 

Meditation — the bedtime bliss meditation

Since the ordinary act of going to sleep each night is a kind of surrender into the mystery, it is a perfect opportunity to both open to receive the loving presence that makes us more robust. It also optimizes the nourishing rejuvenation of deep restful sleep. I recommend that this simple practice become part of your daily life:

– As you approach your bed, give thanks for the blessing of having basic shelter, a comfortable place to rest tonight — and wish that for all beings.

– Peel back the covers and slip into bed, laying your body on the mattress and pillow in the way that feels best to you.

– Sense the delicious sensation of the sheets against your skin, the soft cradling of the mattress and bedding, and consider the possibility that everything you are sensing is more than what it seems.

– Consider the possibility that everything you touch is infused with infinite loving holding that softly cradles you with the precise qualities you truly need.

– As your body becomes heavy, feel a delicious letting go into your pillow, mattress, and bedding as though melting into a sea of infinite soft light — the presence of the Divine Mother herself, which is independent from any person from your history. She is the unending sea of all sustenance.

– Let go into deep rest, held within an infinite and spacious embrace.
 

Cultivating Trust — Inquiry practice

This inquiry into trust and holding is especially important if you struggle with anxiety, letting go of the familiar, or have difficulty with change.

While all of the inquiries in this book can be used as a reflective meditation to journal into, this one is best done with a friend you trust — since most of our mis-trust formed in relationship. Set a timer for at least ten minutes, and have someone ask you this question, with plenty of space to let the questions reverberate through your body, speaking to whatever might be happening in your somatic experience. Also, let the questions into your heart, and speak to whatever feelings, emotions, or memories might arise. Additionally, see what insights or awareness’s come. The more detail you can let come forward, the more your consciousness will open up. For at least ten minutes, inquire:

What limits your capacity to trust the loving goodness underlying your life?

If working with a partner, after ten minutes, switch roles so they can journey into the question for themselves. When you have both had a turn, move to this line of inquiry for fifteen to twenty minutes:

What’s holding you NOW? (see what comes, and then let it go further with the question…)

What’s holding that? (see what comes, and then explore…)

What’s holding ALL of that?

If you reach a point where it feels “I have answered the questions” and think you are done, I highly recommend that you keep going for a little longer. The point where you feel you have nothing more to say is usually where true inquiry beyond your mind begins!

The more you notice what is holding you and consciously receive it — from the most basic evidence for love to the subtlest levels of loving light — the more trust grows. You will find that your body relaxes down into the belly, viscerally perceiving the goodness of just being here on earth. Your heart can open to feel the fact of love that can express through our human relationships but is not limited to having to come through anyone. Your mind can literally drink in divine love — that feels like being in a refined shower of luminous golden light that is always raining down upon us, just as the sun shines its rays creating the daylight. Taking in the loving goodness and learning to trust it is singularly one of the simplest, but most powerful ways to support the flourishing of your heart, mind, and life. Trust provides the platform for a deeper surrender into the mystery.
 

Miranda Macpherson is a contemporary spiritual teacher, counselor, and author of the spiritual guidebook, Boundless Love. Her new book, The Way of Grace: The Transforming Power of Ego Relaxation, will be published in October 2018. Miranda, who has been teaching internationally since 1995, is known for her depth of presence, clarity, and refined capacity to guide people into direct experience of the sacred.

Miranda’s work is a synthesis of self-inquiry, spiritual psychology, devotion, and meditation practice offered with feminine grace that embraces our everyday human experience as a gateway into the depths of our true nature. Through a blend of silent transmission and articulate teaching, she leads ongoing programs oriented to guiding people into direct spiritual experience while providing a practical map for actualizing our realization into daily life.

Drawing from the ancient lineages of Advaita and mystical Christianity, as well as from more recent wisdom teachings such as A Course in Miracles, Miranda leads from the ground of unconditional love and compassion for our humanity, emphasizing receptivity, discrimination, and surrender.

Click here to visit Miranda’s website.