Musical Portals

By Kaeza Fearn

As the wheels of my bike led my body courageously down Mass Ave and across the Charles River into downtown Boston, I felt my spirit turn inward, reflecting on recent tragic events in the news. I was ready for transformation through the power of music. Seeking hope in our chaotic world, I pedaled hard, knowing that somehow these are the times we are made for!

Inside Symphony Hall a friend greeted me and we settled in, tickled to be practically on top of the cello and bass sections! The house lights dimmed. Colorful textures, sliding strings, swelling percussion wafted refreshing sounds into our midst, a salve helping us become present. Eyes and ears fully open, we applauded. Music alters our energy fields in unique and positive ways, as proven by science. Next, out rolled the Steinway, followed by pianist Hélène Grimaud. I was ready to be swept up by one of my most beloved pieces: the Brahms D minor Piano Concerto. (For anyone not familiar, a concerto is an orchestral piece that features a solo instrument.) This concerto has special meaning because my pianist father performed it years ago. In fact, my mom, brother and I, all pianists, helped dad prepare by practicing with him on two pianos!

Feeling deep appreciation and closeness with my family, I let the gorgeous melodies and players’ sensitivity lean into my heart, tears dropping to my lap, as I sat in a sphere of nurturing comfort. The palpable collective feeling in the audience emanated how music unites our hearts. It uplifts and connects us to dimensions beyond words, beyond divides of separate identities. Activities like this beckon us intensely across the planet now, and they can actually happen simply, at any moment, or grandly, as happened in the hall that day.

As a trained musician, I have long been changing a habit of sometimes using my discerning ears against the potential opening of my own heart, against the beauty that coexists with the challenges of playing an instrument. Growing up, I was keenly aware that other musicians’ ears listened, and I often projected my own critical inner part onto them. Yet, as psychological parts theory suggests: all of our parts are here for a reason and need to be heard. How can we listen, and use our own discernment and critical perception to serve love, so thoroughly honest and embracing? What a fine line musicians walk, working to improve our skills yet hold with integrity the enormous, sacred honor of funneling our creative forces?

I find myself asking the same question in the context of the political, environmental and global scene. How can we be honest about the distortions we are hearing in the world (e.g. sleepwalking through environmental crisis), yet also be inclusive of all humanity? We need our critical perception to call us strongly into action without demonizing each other. As my spiritual teacher says, we need to “use difficulty to draw closer.”

As humanity evolves, it sees and can reflect on wider aspects of its own nature, both dark and light. I see my own journey to developing my musical voice and expression interwoven with my spiritual evolution. The more I open to the longings of my own spirit and being, in flow with the unique creative force coming through, the more conscious I actually become of the subtle or obvious internal habits blocking me.

I had to work through layers of my inner tapestry to release my own music recently over the internet, but now I am SO thrilled to be able to share it with the world! I recently released Inner Equinox, and a vocal piece Autumn, a setting of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s poem celebrating the beauty of fall. My vocal-instrumental music includes a puppet opera about the threat of plastic in the ocean. I love leading as a Unitarian church music director, performing kirtan and sacred music. My album of original chants is called Toward Light. My latest project especially excited my imagination: music for a visual meditation by Colors in Motion®, featured in this issue of The Catalyst (See: Art that Transcends in our Digital World: The Story of Colors In Motion).

I experience music as one aspect of my passionate contribution to a more caring, connected world. Blessedly, I have been involved with The Shift Network community since 2011 as Summits Coordinator, and also enjoy ongoing community leadership as a Global Sacred Circle Dance facilitator and Co-founder of DevotionFest. In what ways can all of us care and connect more?

I invite you to be transformed by my music.

Kaeza Fearn, M.M. is a composer, pianist, teacher, performing musician, sacred circle dance facilitator, events coordinator and community leader. She can also be found riding a bicycle or near her sewing machine. To learn more about Kaeza, click here.