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Love, Relationship, and Spirituality

By Kim Barta

We all are a symphony of love. An amalgamation of music and instruments all working together to transmit love vitality through the air to and between each other. The first step in this magical journey is to learn what it means to actually receive love. We love to feel loved. It softens us, excites us, relaxes us, and vitalizes us all at once. 

But sometimes we don't receive the love that is given to us. We are like the child’s toy where you put the square object in the square hole and the round object in the round hole and the star object in the star-shaped hole. Sometimes we only experience the love in one shape. 

Sometimes this is because we don't realize there are other shapes of love and sometimes we limit what love we are willing to accept. “What is this round-shaped love? I do not accept round-shaped love, I only accept star-shaped love”. This silliness in which we all sometimes participate leaves us empty of love. Both of these self-limitations — not recognizing the love, and being picky about how the love should be expressed to us — leave us feeling desperate for love even in a sea of abundance.

People talk about identifying their love language, as if that is the only language of love they can understand. Well, perhaps it is time to be multi-lingual with our love. In the upcoming Shift Network Reuniting Science and Spirituality Summit, I will show you 16 love styles — 16 ways you can sing your love song, receive the love song of others, and feel the abundance of love all around you every day. 

Our job is not to run around frantically trying to get that one form of love we hope to receive. Our job, as conductors of our own love song, is to learn all the styles of love. If we feel love is in short supply, it is simply because we have not yet learned how to receive it in all its forms. When you do, you will discover that love is all around you every moment, and you will never be in short supply ever again.

While learning to receive love is the first step in learning how to play the love songs of your life, giving love is the second. When we feel our love deep inside, what is the impulse inside of us? How do we feel compelled to act on this love, to show this love to another? 

Remember what it was like to show your love to another and have them openly receive it? How beautiful it is to have our love openly accepted and received. This is especially true when our natural style of showing love is so deeply received and appreciated. 

Perhaps we also have memories of when our love was not accepted. Either it was not noticed, or it was actively rejected. As a result, did we shut down our love by becoming afraid to show it? Just like receiving love, sometimes we can restrict ourselves about how we show our love. “I will only show my love in a square-shaped pattern. If you can’t feel it, then forget it.” This attitude robs us of the joy and delight of showing love in all its forms. It’s like having a beautiful love song, but only playing the opening line over and over again. By expanding our expressions of love in all its forms, we can play the whole love song.

If our natural style does not land for our partner, it does not mean that our love isn’t good enough. It may be that their receptivity is shut down a bit. On the other hand, only hearing the first line of a love song might get a bit old or even irritating after 20 years. If we expand our range of notes, carry out the song to the end, we are more likely to find a style of song they can hear. It also provides some variety for our partner to enjoy. And that is a wonderful gift for anyone.

The third love song is reciprocity. Instead of just enjoying having our partner delight us with their love song, or serenading our partner with our love song, with reciprocity we can sing the love song together. This deepens the love “we” space shared between two people. Knowing and practicing multiple “notes” of love allows us to expand the love harmony between two people.

The fourth love song is unified/integrated. Young lovers sometimes get this feeling when they surprisingly finish each other’s sentences. It feels like you are the same. Like you are one person, one being. Older couples may find it in the daily life of having lived together so long they know exactly how the other person will wake up, go to sleep, and manage their day. They are so mutually connected in this experience it is as if they are operating as one whole system. This unified love song leaves one in such a deep “we” space of love that the individuals within that “we space” fade in and out as needed but do not cling to their individual identities. It is a type of non-dual love space.

You may notice a difference in the depth of this love space between new lovers and old couples. New love can lead to a state of spiritual ecstasy. Old love can guide you to a new spiritual stage.

Love, relationship, and spiritual growth is about opening ourselves to experience all the shapes of love — and how you can recognize them when they come to you. When you learn about the 16 styles of love and the 64 love-pattern matrix, you’ll be able to see and experience love all around you everywhere you go. You will see and feel the here-and-now embodied abundance of love… your gift from the spirit of the universe.

Kim Barta is an internationally recognized multi-cultural psychotherapist, public speaker, and workshop developer. With over 30 years of experience with individual groups and systems, Kim has developed multiple programs for healing and personal growth, including Shadow to Spirit, psycho-social cartography, and developmentally informed psychotherapy and coaching. His undergraduate degree is in cultural anthropology. His thesis was on the uses of shamanism in modern psychotherapy. Kim is co-founder of a mind-body healing clinic and has three decades of experience with embodied psycho-spiritual healing. Currently, Kim is developing workshops, conducting trainings, writing books, and consulting with clients online. He specializes in sacred secular experiential training, advanced consciousness coaching, and facilitating the natural unfolding of human development.


Click here to visit Kim's website.

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This article appears in: 2019 Catalyst, Issue 13: The Reuniting Science & Spirituality Summit