Thriving Through the Years: Problems and Portals

By Kathlyn Hendricks

It may come as no surprise that our culture is scared of aging. You might have experienced what I call the “assembly line” that seems to pop up for people of a certain age. The implication suggests that we should just move over, get out of the way, disappear, or at least become invisible. I don’t like being dismissed and imagine you don’t either, just when you’re coming into the richness of your experience, wisdom, and ability to contribute. I want to suggest some new perspectives on the amazing possibilities of midlife and beyond, from some new windows to possibility.

I’ve identified three forces that can either sink or fuel you throughout midlife and beyond. I call them Sludge, Gravity, and Entropy. These are not psychological or personal issues. They are part of the fabric of human life that we often overlook or try to outrun. Instead, let’s look at the problems and portals of each.
 

Sludge — Unless you live in a hyperbaric chamber, you’re going to accumulate sludge in the system with time. Emotions stick unless they are felt and expressed, bodies get cranky unless they’re moved regularly in pleasurable ways, and thoughts tend to crystallize without the effervescence of new learning and new connections.

Sludge especially accumulates with decades of living from the outside in. The wonderful word exogenous (“caused from without”) produces lots of sludge as we humans try to be everything that everyone has told us would be good for us, dangerous for us, trendy for us, and will allow us to remain visible in the larger collective.

One great solution for sludge that comes pretty naturally for many of us is the NGAS anymore reflex (Not Giving a Sh*t) that tends to kick in after age 50. And we can augment that by shifting to endogenous (“caused from within”) living. Here are some vital questions that polish the sludge and leave your essence shining through:

• What new thing can I learn today?
• How can I move my body in some new, pleasurable ways today?
• What do I really want?
• Could anybody else do this? (delegation signal)
• Do I really love this and want to care for it? (decluttering signal)
• Am I willing to befriend this feeling and communicate it clearly?

Gravity — As I enter into my seventieth year, I’ve developed a saying: Gravity never sleeps. That cosmic force pulls and pulls and never gets tired. For many, many people, gravity wins in ways that gradually fold up bodies, shrink muscles, and narrow perspective and possibility.

I’ve found two viable portals through gravity: aligning and flowing. I align through choices and actions that keep my muscles and bones stacked up on each other and operating in harmony. For example, describing my experience as closely as possible opens breath and belly and keeps the expression valves open rather than tumbling the blocks by withholding, contracting, and settling into positions about life.

Flowing involves full experiencing and full expression.* Just as a car needs regular alignment and fuel to operate efficiently, we need regular aligning and harmonizing to enjoy lifelong vitality. At the emotional and relationship level, reaching out and creating expanding networks of support and exploration keeps gravity in support rather than on top.

I’m always using gravity as a springboard. When I feel the pull of gravity, I explore how I can use that as the momentum for stretching in new directions and learning more ways to enjoy my vitality and strength. Lately I’ve been exploring a new kind of weight training and taking walking lessons after breaking my hip in the spring (bicycle). How can you use gravity as your support?
 

Entropy — Entropy has physics on its side. Everything is always and continuously falling apart. You are living within a centrifuge that is accelerating and taking you inevitably into the Big Space. That can be received as a big bummer, in the face of which lots of folks just resign themselves to losing part after part. I suggest a radically different approach — expanding into more and more creativity and essence expression to the very last moment.

A chapter in our newest book, Conscious Loving Ever After, is titled “Creativity First.” Creating first in the day — focusing on something you love to do for even just 10 minutes in the morning — lays down a template for the day that encourages ease, connection, and playful collaboration.

In short, committing to continuous renewal transforms aging into discovery, deeper connection, and the feeding of a rich inner life that can sustain and fuel a vibrant life. Add regular sprirtzers of appreciation for you, others, and what you cherish, and you’ve got a formula for thriving. Explore — try it out — you have nothing to lose but sludge.

* Our new Integrity Deck is designed to support your continuous renewal through the practice of doable and pleasurable integrity skills.
 

Kathlyn Hendricks, PhD. BC-DMT, is an evolutionary catalyst and contextual disruptor who creates transformational collaboration around the world. She considers her life and relationship a living laboratory and invites others into co-creation free of drama and conflict. She has been a pioneer in the field of body intelligence for over forty years and conscious loving since 1980. Katie has an international reputation as a seminar leader, inspiring professionals from many fields in the core skills of conscious living and conscious loving. Katie co-founded the Body Intelligence virtual summit for The Shift Network. She has authored many articles and blogs and co-authored 12 books with her husband, Gay, including the recent Conscious Loving Ever After: How to Create Thriving Relationships at Midlife and Beyond. Visit Katie and Gay’s website by clicking here.