Finding the Purpose in Painful Experiences

By Jennifer Giordano (aka Ajeetdev Kaur)

You cannot truly uncreate suffering until you sacrifice EVERYTHING at the altar of unconditional love.

A mysterious bar in Hollywood in 2011 sets the scene of my spiritual awakening. Hipsters and party animals are swarming around a musician on a small stage. It’s dark, something haunting diffuses in the air, as a sultry man with a guitar starts to sing. Thoughts flow in my mind... How fortunate I am to be one of these elite beautiful people. My feminine self, attached to an ego identity of bisexual free-spirited seductress with “heathen” friends. I was Hollywood’s image of an independent, empowered woman. Like the famed Madonna, sexually liberated. Or was I enslaved in an illusion?

This was the setting of one of the most horrific nights of my adult life.

My birth was a joyful birth. I am the daughter of a minister, who opened a small evangelical church in Chino, California, removing gang members off the streets and turning their hearts to Christ. My mother was named Carla after a Mexican-born child who made my grandmother’s heart smile. We respect and celebrate diversity in my family.

After failing to keep the congregation alive, my father checked out emotionally when I was four. This brought with it feelings of loss, confusion, suffering, and difficult earthly lessons. A psychopathic man took over as my caretaker when my mother chose to remarry. Despite the harsh realities and early trauma, fearlessly engaging with life, I chose a mystic’s path.

Fear comes up, and I recover by entering the neutral mind, practicing yoga, meditation, and mindfulness. If you haven’t noticed, we are all actively participating in a global awakening process, pursuing personal transformation instead of worldly pleasures, and hopefully guiding others to do the same. We are all embodied angels.

So what was the defining moment of my personal journey to become spiritually empowered and seek ancient practices (kundalini yoga, reiki, Buddhist meditations, etc.) as tools for healing? Let’s return to that Hollywood night… and an out-of-body experience during an act of rape.

While high on cocaine, my lover at the time raped me, which catalyzed a spiritual experience. It catapulted me from an unconscious state into my first conscious out-of-body experience. This “villain” was my greatest teacher. There are millions of women and men who have lived through molestation and rape, and my heart cries out to all of them as I am no stranger to it. I have been raped three times, and there may be more memories locked in the recesses of my subconscious. I do not comment on this from the perspective of an outsider. The trauma created the opportunity for me to choose to discontinue a painful relationship with myself. It exposed the fact that I was in addictive patterns of self-abuse, neglect, and rejection.

That night would redirect my life, as years later I released an addiction to emotional pain. I learned to consciously use the power of my choice. You may relate to this in your relationship with food, sex, money, work, or partners that are out of sync with your soul. This creates suffering. And eventually it can lead you to shadow work.

As a Master Instructor to teddy bears by the age of 8, I prepared for adulthood and sharing the wisdom of my experiences teaching real live people all over the world. It’s interesting how what you loved as a child usually points you in the direction of your soul purpose. Many old souls are experiencing rebirth as the “I Am” presence. It is an honor to share the teachings of Yogi Bhajan, shamanic arts, and kundalini yoga. After activating kundalini energy, I was guided in 12 ayahuasca ceremonies, initiated as a Reiki Master and in Kriya Yogi, and completed Access Bars training and Esoteric Medicine Buddha training. I started thoughtfully using my power for the benefit of others. Now I serve by creatively designing unique experiences for them to realize inner truth and awaken their powerful birthright to fulfill their desires. The wisdom within.

I realize negativity will stir in you if you have strong emotions attached to the topic of rape. Many survivors have felt silenced and my heart cries for our suffering which cannot be put into words. The feeling of despair that supersedes an act in which someone abuses their power should not be discounted. Whatever comes up is good, as the river of awareness is flowing. I ask that you do not cry for my role as a victim of rape. Recognize me as an empowered survivor. That is not discounting the trauma and pain; instead, it is taking a different perspective. I don’t seek justice. The truth is that I learned from the experience and now I know how to make better choices using discernment and wisdom.

It was said by Yogi Bhajan that in this Aquarian Age, we learn from wisdom, which requires experience. Seeking knowledge is from Piscean Age. Now humanity is surrendering the obsession with “knowing” to become the “experiencer.” Creators returning to the Eden we once knew. To experience Heaven on Earth in your mind, despite your circumstances, you must FORGIVE. Nothing is more important. Not justice. Not retribution. Make commitments to conquer your inner demons instead of making things outside of you the “devil.” If you spell devil backwards, it spells “lived.” And yes, I lived. Beyond my pain and the evil I experienced, I am alive.

In working with students I highlight the fact that we create our own suffering and can therefore uncreate it. Discovering the GURU in YOU requires focused concentrated effort, such as attending a yoga and dance retreat.

We can choose those experiences that bring us closer to God, or rage in the role of victim. It’s up to us. God is not retribution, God is love. Does something actually ever happen TO YOU, or do you experience by manifesting with thoughts, actions, and choices? It is time to realize a higher power lives within us, to step above our pain and to reconnect to our soul. Our souls cannot be broken.

You are a star fallen to earth school to become a Creator. I found this message at an art festival during my darkest phase of life, and I pray it blesses you as it did me:

The Universe is a place of Celestial Beauty. The stars and comets streak across the fabric of forever. You are born of stars, and from the stars you reached out into the Universe on shining wings. The cosmic winds floated you to this earth and you chose to become flesh in this world. Star fallen, changed and rebirthed. The stardust and magic turned into flesh, bone, and awareness. Learning what it means to be fragile when you have been omnipotent. Learning to love when love was all of eternity. We are all creatures of grace who have forgotten our Source of Power. Nothing in this world, no sorrow no joy, can take away our birthright. You were born from the light, you are the light, you will return to the light when you leave this world.
Look in the Bright Mirror of Your Soul and see what you really are.

Jennifer Giordano (aka Ajeetdev Kaur) has traveled extensively since completing university as a health educator in 2005. Her accomplishments include surviving 12 years in Hollywood, living out her purpose, entertaining as an actress/performance artist, winning awards as a sales professional, and creating exciting entrepreneurial adventures.

After a spiritual awakening, she abandoned a sales career in Los Angeles and began teaching kundalini yoga, living as a nomad. She taught at alcohol recovery programs, beaches in Mexico, and at corporate events for young refugees. She has taught yoga in diverse groups, including the LDS church, autistic adults, addiction recovery participants, and at various corporations and foundations. Recently she traveled to Sri Aurobindo International School and Thapar, a prestigious technical school in Punjab, India, to teach more than 150 Indians. Upon returning to the states, she opened a yoga studio and transitioned it to an online portal. She committed her future life to teaching kundalini yoga and offering her spiritual gifts to awaken humanity. Jennifer powerfully catalyzes individual awareness and acts as a soul yoga coach. She is a master of reinvention, mindfulness coach, speaker, writer, and new thought/ancient wisdom teacher.

She is traveling with Bhai Sahib Sat Pal, Yogi Bhajan’s son, to build Sikh Dharma Universal, an NGO dedicated to sharing the teachings of Sikhism and kundalini yoga. She invites you to join her as a private coach or in a 35-day program called “Uplift your Vibe in 35.” A re-birthing retreat is planned to Cusco, Peru, in August 2018, where indigenous practices, ecstatic dance, and modern yogic arts will blend in a transformative 7-day yoga journey. Click here to visit her Virtual Studio. She is available for private and group coaching as well as retreats and events.

Catalyst is produced by The Shift Network to feature inspiring stories and provide information to help shift consciousness and take practical action. To receive Catalyst twice a month, sign up here.

This article appears in: 2018 Catalyst, Issue 4: Inspiring Women With Soul